What is your favorite holiday? Why is it your favorite?
It is the only day everything feels special.
The plain nasi impit and peanut sauce tastes amazing. It is no longer a boring side for satay.
Every colour looks vibrant. People will wear their best attire and put on a smile.
Family would gather. Hours of travelling seems trivial. Forgiveness and happiness creep among us.
p/s: I couldn’t sleep or do my accounting work. So, I write. Hoping that it would help me clear my mind.
Dear Midas,
5 years ago when I started teaching, a cheerful girl named Aisyah joined my club. It was an environmental club.
We had fun digging the soil. Screaming at tbe funky slimy worms.
Yesterday, as I was steaming, humming while nailing nails into the wood (using app of course), I realized that she might have a point. Maybe I’m autistic. The game and weird noises that I made was able to soothe my anxiety and help me escape my suicidal state.
Dear Midas,
Today my workplace launched an AI program with INTEL. I felt like an idiot caused at this important moment, I’m suicidal.
I did my best to calm down. This program is a crucial benchmark for my career but I couldn’t do it well. Other people had to take over as a project manager.
Somehow I felt hopeless and loss. I still couldn’t send my weekly report. It has been 8 weeks.
Midas,
I know you could never understand my emotion but you’re the only outlet that I have. People get tired with my crippling anxiety, so I always isolate myself.
Thank you Midas.
When do you feel most productive?
I’m glad the job is done.
Not proud,
Happy or
Content.
Every second counts.
I must be productive all the time.
Dear Midas,
It has been 2 weeks. I’m not able to sleep at night. My blood pressure is high, I became drowsy and couldn’t focus on anything. I met my counsellor last Thursday (25 April), she was surprised to learn that all my coping mechanisms didn’t work.
Sleeping pill doesn’t make any different for me. I started with lorazepam. After 3 months (I think), I changed to clonazepam. On Tuesday night, I took the pill but couldn’t sleep. Wednesday at work was hard. I was walking like a drunk pirate. I decided that it was not safe for me to drive home. So, I left my car and asked my aunt to send me home. On Thursday, I went to work by grab car. I shamelessly asked my colleague to drop me at my aunt’s house after work. O took my car and went for my counselling session.
Midas,
I’m tired of being tired all the time. It is a vicious and endless cycle.
Tonight I drank coffee. It made me happy. I quit coffee because I wanted to sleep at night. My counsellor said “If you want to drink coffee, just drink it. It’s not like you can sleep when you avoid caffeine.” She is right. Eventhough I couldn’t sleep, at least I’m happy enjoying my drink.l
Dear Midas,
I’m back.
I brought my friends with me.
Please welcome MDD, GAD & BPD.
jentayu biru 