Dear Midas,
Let me tell you what worries me the most these days. I always have bad thoughts in my wake. My fear of elevators remain the same. There are times that I’m okay with it. But sometimes being in an elevator is a real struggle, when I’m alone, a monster might appear or hands might strangle me from behind. When there is someone with me, I’m afraid that he might attack me and kill me. When there is a crowd, I feel suffocated like I could die. The moment I escaped the elevator is a huge relief.
A few days ago, while delivering lokcing at the 18 floor, there was a guy smoking at the corridor. I had a hard time walking next to him cause I envisioned that he might attack me, perhaps hurled me down the flat.
Sometimes watching the ground from high levels of my flat is normal. Just a little bit of dizziness cause I’m afraid of high. But, there are times that suddenly I feel like jumping of from the building. When that happened, I quickly walk away from the edge of the building.
I also think that my maladaptive daydreaming is getting worse. Yesterday, while walking to the bakery store I had a sad and melancholy daydreaming. The event seems so real until I feel suffocated and almost break down in tears. This is bullshit Midas. That event is not real. Just something I created. I’m afraid that I might involve in an accident if I’m not focusing in my reality.
Midas, years ago when my dad had issues with antiques stuffs, I always had nightmares. These days, my nights are haunted by nightmares.
I have to go Midas. Thank you for listening.
jentayu biru 